Appointments Galore !

One more appt. this friday in Seattle. Great way to start the weekend. At least when I contacted the clinic and left a message for the nurse she got back to me right away. -I asked if we could find out the outcome of the sample friday but she said it would probably be the middle of next week before they knew anything. SERIOUSLY ! I live 4 hrs away. I hope we can see the doctor and see if he can work his magic like last time when we were able to find out the same day.

My birthday came and went-uneventful as usual- 29...one more year and it'll be the dirty 30.

I am still in this slump and can't seem to find away to crawl out of it. My head hurts, my body hurts, and my heart aches. Everyday I just go thru the motions. I am hoping this baby will bring my mood up and get me out of this funk.

Baby Blues

My brother and his wife had a baby on the 16th. A little girl. Anna You-Lan Lau Woodrow. Beautiful baby! I am one PROUD aunt.

--Mom keeps saying it's your turn next. It's my turn next. I wish I could really scream at anyone and everyone and say how hard it is to see everyone else around you get pregnant easily. I know I am not the only one that has had issues getting pregnant but in the time being it feels as if I am the only one in this race to have a baby.

My birthday is about 2 weeks away :S I will be the ripe old age of 29. The dreams of having a kid before 30 are looking pretty slim to none.

I want to sit and scream, cry and kick...My husband does not understand and tell me to relax. I'm sorry but when you have 2 kids already its not the same. I DON'T !!!!!!

ok my pity party is done...

oh depression

I am about ready to give up on this baby chase. I feel like it will never happen. Its been 3 years and I am so ready to throw my hands up and be done. I should be thankful that I have 2 wonderful step sons and a niece on the way. They want chris to do another sample and I am supposed to have blood work done. A whole week went by and 2 phone calls the finical counselor and she called me back. Told me she would take care of everything and not to worry. I am sorry how I am I not supposed to worry when it took a whole week to get back to me. ARRRRGGGGG I wish I could have a baby the natural way

Baby Chase

Chris was very sweet and got me the book "The Baby Chase: An Adventure in Fertility" it is a primer for anyone contemplating or undergoing IVF. More than that, its a story of longing, hope and hormones that will appeal to all parents, present and future. I already feel for this woman. The struggle she has gone thru and I am starting to feel myself slipping into that "what if" scenario again. What if we are unable to have kids? What if I am never able to feel that connection everyone talks about that they have with their children? That special bond.

I love my step kids to death but it's not the same. I didn't get to feel that movement inside me or the elation as I gave birth. I got to know them when they were little babies still but didn't get that immediate bond.

The doctor said we are great candidates for IVF. My age will work will with it. But I am older now and have gained weight. What if it doesn't work ?!?

What if ... What if ... WHAT IF

Waiting

I should have read more into all this IVF...apparently there are MORE test that need to be done on both Chris and I. ANNNND to prepare my body. Preparing my body-sounds like embalming to me hahahahah this will be good. I AM READY ! BRING IT HORMONES AND ALL

WOW im way to excited now

Guess I should have paid a little better to my calendar! next period should be the end of this month ! that is 1 month earlier than expected! whooooo hot dog! I called the financial counselor and wrote and email to the RN at the office to see what the next step is! EEEEEEEKKKKK that made my day hahaha

Our Next Step

I feel I need to write about our experience with infertility and the road we will headed on here in a short while. And there after thru(hopefully) pregnancy !

We met with Dr. Letterie on Friday. It was so nice to have finally put a face with a name. A face and name that will become our savior to this long exhausting road. It was very nice that Dr. Letterie had already spoken with my OB/GYN up here in the Tri-Cities about our situation. He also knows the doctors that I used to work for at Minor and James. We found out that we will go thru IVF and that the soonest that I could possibly start the medication is my next period which is the end of August.

We found out chris has enough swimmers they just don't want to come out the right way. They are going back up into his bladder. Luckily for him he wont have to have any sperm retrieval thru his testies. That was going to be the next option if it didn't look like they could get enough sperm thru the urine.

I always thought my first loan would be for a house. Turns out we will be getting a loan for IVF. That makes me chuckle. The financial counselor also mentioned talking to a credit union to see what they had for medical loans. -Supposedly they might have a better interest rate.

Monday will be full of contacting credit unions/banks to see what they offer and hopefully getting one instead of going thru SRM(seattle reproductive medicine). I will also be contacting the RN to see when I can start the meds. OOOOOHHHH planning. I love this road that we are on. I can not wait to be a mother.

Our Doctor

I am counting down the days ! I CAN'T WAIT

http://www.seattlefertility.com/doctors/gerard_letterie.asp

Finally Getting Somewhere

July 8th ! I can't wait. We had an appointment with my o.b. doctor yesterday. He is referring us to http://www.northwestreproductive.com/ Finally on the road to help us. The treatment most likely that will be used is IVF. I called our insurance company today and what do you know? they DON'T cover infertility. So I want to applaud healthcare. Thank you for not making the one thing we need right now covered just like some of the most basic health care needs.

We are ready for this and are going to go head strong and make it happen. July can not come fast enough !

Appts Appts

We go to the doctor next wednesday...Hoping this process does not take another YEAR!

I know complaining is not helping and that I should be thankful that there has not been more years spent on trying to get pregnant. God has a plan and I need to learn to roll with the punches.

Im afraid that doctor wont help us because of my weight. I have really tried hard on losing it. Im at a plateau. Really hoping this appt has some answers and will put us in the right direction.

Things are a rollin

This has been an on going process for over 3 years now. We finally have answers as to why we are not pregnant yet and things are progressing.

Chris had to do some tests (poor guy, timing was never right when he took the samples in) and finally was able to take it in and it was the right time. The doctors office told Chris that they would get in contact with my OB/GYN. Well as things have been moving around here I was sure that I would be the one calling and saying have you heard from the urologist or have you called the OB's office. To both of our surprise we got a call this last Friday telling us the next step.

I wish I could show you the elation I had. Smile from ear to ear. Now we both wait for the next step of tests. I am extremely happy that the OB I have is willing to work with us.

These 3 years have been full of such emotion. Mostly sad and it is nice to finally have some positive energy rollin our way.

I thank my husband for doing the unpleasant tests and helping me each month go thru the sadness. Soon it will all be over and we both can not wait.

Love It

I love my new job ! The hours are perfect ! 19 hours this week :D

On the other side...fertility still working on it. Chris has some new pills to start taking tomorrow. I have lost 16lbs since december. Slow go but working on it.

Short blog TIRED hahaha

Job, Yes Please

I got the job! I am so excited! I will be working for Columbia Rheumatology. The hours will be between 18-20 hours if that. Possibly to go to full time when the new building opens. But this is what I have been looking for. PART TIME! I still get to focus on myself and home life while brining in a paycheck. It's Mon-Wed. AHHH the life ! I start Friday and that can not come soon enough.

Today is Ash wednesday. For Lent I am giving up chocolate and Chris is giving up soda. It's only been one day and I am wanting chocolate. I guess that says something right? EEEEKKKK It will help me lose weight no doubt not consuming it all the time. I had a doctors appt on monday and I have lost 16 lbs. Need to lose more. But it made me feel good :)

We have been cooking at home more (do to me being out of work) and it has been so fun. Tonite I made tuna burgers. It will be a recipe that will be made again.

Guess it's time to go to bed. I have a lot to do tomorrow since I will be starting work on Friday!

Wednesday Hump Day

And Friday could not get here any faster. Even thou I am a stay at home spouse I look forward to Fridays! Fridays mean it's the weekend and I have my husband to hang out with. And if it's every other Friday we go pick up the boys in Ellensburg.

Chris finally has an appt with a specialist for his diabetes dealing with gastroparesis. It took them about 2 weeks to finally return a phone call, and calling almost everyday to make an appointment. I my yearly dermatology appointment as well. I like female doctors and it seems like there are none here in the TC ! So we will make the trip to Seattle for appointments.

I am taking a cooler so we can stalk up on items from Trader Joes and PCC ! I CAN'T WAIT !!!

Me rethinks

I have been watching 5 kids under 7 since being out of work. Today was totally unexpected but I should have known the little rascals would be bad at some point.

There are times you have to sit back and say they are only (2 of them ) 7, 5, 3 (i think) and 1 1/2. It was a whine fest and they all tested my patients today. The littlest one was in a biting, pinching mood...the 3 yr old was pretty good..she always is...the 5 yr old was so whiney...one of the 7 yr olds was having a girl day of nothing going her way and the whole world out to get her. The other 7 yr old was good too.

Oh boy, after a game of twister and hungry hungry hippos I wanted to lock them all in a room and let them cry and whine to each other. My hippo is broken it's not working, fix it...She knocked me over and I lost a game of twister. I want to tell them that there are bigger things in the world then losing a game of twister and your hippo being stuck- doesn't the pink one always stick thou in that game? - But they little and don't understand.

I came home and told Chris- ONE ONE KID is all I will be able to handle! It was sure nice to come home to a quite house. But I can't wait till we have one of our own. For that loud lovable noise they make :D

We are still unfortunately working on fertility issues. I know it will happen someday but would like that time to be NOW ! hahaha

I think it's about bed time. Minnie is snoring and so is Chris. Music to my ears :D

Stay at home life

I have been out of work since the end of December. I have stayed pretty busy...that has amazed me. I am very fortunate to have a hardworking husband who has allowed me to be able to stay home. For that I can not thank Chris enough.

I keep myself busy by keeping the house clean, laundry, dishes, ect...ect...and babysitting!

Never thought I would end up doing that again. It's not everyday which is nice but a handful of times during the month. There is 5 of them! all under 7... Defiantly makes me reconsider having more than just one hahahaha

I take the dogs out walking a lot more now which is nice for all of us! except for right now with temps only reaching into the 20's and a wind chill. It's supposed to drop to 7 Friday night! WHERE IS SPRING!!!! the winter jacket has made an appearance once again. Thought it was packed away till next year. Guess I was wrong :( - Mowgli has a little jacket we got for him since it's so much colder over here then Seattle....he runs away from me every time I bring it out. Minnie is a nut and would rather stay out side laying on the cold cement on her chain.

It's nice to be part of a mom's group here in the Tri-Cities. It seems like there is always a little something happening each month so I don't feel cooped up all the time.

We did "some" spring cleaning a couple weekends ago when it was 50+ degrees out. Chris and I took everything out of the garage and rearranged it. We can FINALLY get into the garage and walk around. We were able to consolidate boxes from when we moved. Felt so good. Next it will be onto our scary room than has become more or less a dumping ground for unused items.

Also in my spare time I have been able to get our book shelf up (only took a year hahaha) and started filling it up. Taking each room and making it our own. Slowly but surely :D

While cleaning I came across a card my grandmother (mom's mom) wrote to me. I broke down. It brought back so many great memories. I guess there is one good thing about cleaning things out. You come across some forgotten memories. I told Chris that when we do have a child I hope it is a girl so we can incorporate my grandmothers name into her name so it can live on. I hope I have made an impact on someone lives like my grandmother did on me.

Well I have miss whiney pants at my feet wanting something..attention....to go out....to make my life irritating hahahah

2011

It's 1-1-11 :D

We made it! Survived another year and it feels good to be done with 2010.

It was a great having the boys for 2 weeks. Chris and I both love and miss them so much already. Can't wait till we see them again.

In March of 2010 we moved to the TriCities. A truly amazing adventure and a great move! I met some of the most wonderful people here. I am so lucky to have been able to connect with a great group of gals :D

There where some shockers of 2010 right towards the end. Found out my brother and his longtime girlfriend got married and are EXPECTING!!! Out of anyone I know my brother has been anti-marriage and babies for as long as I can remember. And now he is going to be a dad. I am going to be and AUNT!!! HOLY HECK. It is truly a wonderful world and I can not wait to meet the little bundle of joy in August.

2011 I hope there will be something good that happens. Chris and I have been trying to have a baby for over 2 years now. Finally living in the tricities i feel more ready to become a mom. The slower pace and expenses are low enough I feel good and ok to be a stay at home mom and there will be less worry about how much money we have paycheck to paycheck with out me working.

Going to doctors and trying to figure out what is causing the infertility has been a long stressful road. But it seems to becoming full circle now and I am hoping within this next year to be pregnant. It will be fun to see what happens :D

This blog is random and all over the place. I have been trying to remember all the great things that have happened this past year but there are so many great things its hard to nail down all of them.

So I am just randomly putting thoughts down.

Here's to 2011 and more great memories